I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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