Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
