a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
