DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
