there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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