we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
