we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
