Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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