Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
