sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
