I am puke
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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