you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
