answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
