I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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