i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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