Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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