I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
