I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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