She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
