Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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