My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
