I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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