I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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