Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
