So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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