Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
