bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
