Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
