Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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