Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
