But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
