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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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• (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

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• (716): View more from New York

  He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.

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• (714): View more from California

  if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing

  (206): View more from Washington

  and semen

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?

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• (818): View more from California

  Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.

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• (818): View more from California

  Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is

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