Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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