Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
