Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
