I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
