I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
