please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
