You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
