FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
