apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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