i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
