All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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