I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
