you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
