Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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