Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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