I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
try to milk me bitch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
