I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
