My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
